Is Sierra Jo Dominguez Letting God Decide Size of Family

It's been a month, since I've even saturday downwardly, and had the thought "I should blog today!" A LOT has happened in a month! For starters, I gave birth! Check out what we made:

Edyn Grace Dominguez.

Our little Grace baby. She was 8lbs and 1oz, 21 inches long, but 16 days early! Born on November twelfth, and melted me, just like the 4 before her have.

I'm a mom.

Ever since I was a lilliputian girl, I knew I wanted to be a Mom. I got older, and tried pursuing what I thought my career life should be. I wanted to be an actress, no, a motivational speaker, no, an extra. Then I got into all the prereq's that every college says you accept to take, and got discouraged.

"Why on world do I accept to take Biology 110, merely to be a motivational speaker?"

My heart was hardened. I was mad. I was angry at the college arrangement, I was angry because I was 18, and already in debt. So, I quit.

I quit it all.

I quit caring, I quit school, I quit listening to my parents, I quit listening to God.

I just quit.

The funny thing well-nigh quitting, and literally, throwing the Due east-brake on whatever "plan" you had been working on, is that yous experience lost, about immediately.

And then, you get found.

For some, yous're found past a new calling, and then you have the Due east-restriction off, and ease your manner into information technology.

For others, similar myself, y'all merely quietly slip into darkness.

I was "found" past friends who encouraged my quitting.

"College is a societal norm that our authorities has pushed downward our throats, to brand more than coin."

(This wisdom came from a "friend" who was more focused on finding the next "buzz" to kill his loneliness, than he was on bettering himself.)

I listened. I sought the next fizz, likewise. Trying to drown my own loneliness.

I stumbled deep into a darkness I'd never been in. I had friends, but felt lone all the time. I was having fun, simply felt empty.

I was broken , and too proud to allow anyone to pick up the pieces.

I've blogged most how Marking and I met, but have since started over in the blogosphere. So, since I'm feeling nostalgic, (and hormonal, from just having a babe) I thought it might exist a good time to share our story, again.

Our's isn't for the faint of heart. It's a lot of broken pieces, that had to be divinely placed into the always-changing masterpiece, that is our union today.

Mark and I met, in the middle of my darkness, or "funk", as we lovingly refer to it.

I was a pistol, aimed, and set up to shoot downward anyone who tried to encourage me to exercise improve, and Mark became my target. I worked at a video shop, full time, after I quit school. It'southward where I met most of my "friends". And it'south where I learned who I was, and who I was not.

"Hi, exercise y'all know of whatsoever good kids movies? Like, a cartoon, or something?"

"Uhh, yeah. Here's this one." I handed him Surf's Upwardly.

"Accept you lot seen this one? Is it good? I'one thousand watching my friends' kids, and wanted to get a adept film."

Brushing him off, and still putting movies away.

"Uhh, yeah. It'southward actually popular, and has been rented out for the past couple weeks."

"Okay! Thanks!"

The man with 800 questions finally left.

Our first interaction. Not every bit magical as nearly.

A few days later, he came back, to return the movie.

"Hey, thanks for the recommendation! The kids loved information technology!"

"What? Oh, yeah." I didn't even look up from scanning in movies. "You're welcome."

I scanned his movie in.

"What's your proper noun?"

"Huh?" I looked up.

The tenderness in his confront was existent. He stared at me with hazel eyes, and a small grinning.

"Sierra." I said, sounding harsh, mainly because I wasn't in the mood to talk.

In this funk of mine, I went from deep moments of introspection, to bursting out random, crazy ideas, that usually were just to draw attending to myself.

This day was no different. Deep thoughts, ignoring the world effectually me, so BAM. Existence ridiculous.

"Squeamish to meet y'all, Sierra."

"Yes, you as well. What'south your name?" (Just being cordial.)

"Mark," he said with a smile.

Good grief, his teeth were gorgeous. Straight, white, total smile.

"Well, Mark! Want to see my tattoo?" I said, with fire in my eyes.

Marking looked confused.

"What? Uhh, no, I'1000 expert."

Aww, he's shy. That's beautiful.

"C'monday! Cheque it out! Isn't information technology cool?" I said, tempting him to expect at my hip, equally I lifted my shirt, slightly.

Marker, doing his best to look away, looked at the tattoo, and so looked me straight in my eyes. The softness was strengthened, by a set jaw. His soft hazel eyes were now firmly fixed on mine.

"Exercise yous know what that symbol is?"

"Of class I do!" I chided back, chop-chop.

"It's the eye of Ra. Information technology means protection."

His optics narrowed, slightly, as he set his jaw firm.

"You might want to research that further."

And as soon as he came in, and pestered me with questions, the "ding" from the get out door was rung, and he left.

"What a pompous person," I idea, "Groovy teeth, but practiced grief, he was rude!"

I went back to scanning movies, giving no thought to the homo with hazel optics.

A week or and so went past, and he returned. This time, I noticed him. The entrance door "dinged", and I looked upwards.

"Hi, welcome to the video store, Marking."

He looked over his shoulder, gave a nod of his head, to admit me, and connected to scan the New Releases wall.

I picked up a stack of movies, and went to return them to the same wall. Partly, considering it was my job, and partly, because I wanted him to observe me.

I felt a sense of shame, and desire, all at the same time.

I researched the symbol. It did mean "protection". It was the Egyptian god, worshipped, so that people would receive "protection". Information technology wasn't the protection I believed in. It was simply me beingness 18, and proving to my parents, and the earth, that I was an developed.

Now that I knew information technology'due south true meaning, I felt guilty for spending $60 on something so foolish.

"Demand any recommendations?" I asked.

He had his artillery folded together, and his correct paw resting on his chin. His brows were furrowed, as he scanned the many dissimilar titles.

"Hmm?" he said, breaking his stare from the movies, and leaning towards me. Still no eye contact.

"Recommendations. On movies. Do you need another one?" I asked, sounding like I was stuttering.

"Oh! I'm good. Thanks, though." He answered, and then went right back to scanning.

My arm was aching from the corporeality of movies I had picked upwardly, and so I started to walk abroad. I turned rapidly, and ran into the "Free Kids Movies" stand. All 30 clear cases leaped from my arm, all over the flooring, every bit well equally some of the kids movies cascading off the stand, into the heaping pile of cases.

Smooth.

My cheeks were hot, I quickly bent downwards, and started picking them up.

His voice was right behind me.

"Here, let me aid you."

"I'm good, cheers. Actually, I've got it." I said, equally I kept my head pointed at the pile, wanting to cook into a tiny pool.

"I know yous've got it. I tin nonetheless help."

His hands started stacking up movies.

"Where do these go?" he asked, genuinely.

"Uhh, thanks. You don't accept to do that. Those are the H-One thousand New Releases. They go along the wall stand, by the video games."

(Still not making centre contact.)

"Did you inquiry the symbol."

This fourth dimension, I looked up, surprised.

"Yes," I said, with my jaw set business firm, simply shame in my eyes. I looked back down.

"And then, is that what yous believe in?" He had a tenderness in his voice.

"No." I said, nonetheless staring at the floor. "I believe in God."

In that moment, I looked up at him. My defence was broken, and he could read information technology all over my face. I was drained, and my big eyes revealed burnout. Underneath all the make up, was a girl who was tired of searching.

I don't know what he saw. I didn't really care. If he didn't similar me, I had no energy left to pretend I was worth liking.

"Good. Me too!" He said with a chipper voice. He got upward, from the crouched position of picking up movies, flashed a smile, and headed to the H-One thousand section of the store to put up movies.

"Good?" I thought. "What?"

I was addled, and all the same, intrigued.

I scooped upwards the last of the movies, and got upwardly. I started walking along the wall, just listening, and sometimes stealing glances at him.

He was dressed in tennis shoes, greyness sweatpants, a navy long-sleeved shirt that was loose plenty to flatter, but tight plenty to reveal arm muscles. He had a nighttime greyness beanie on his caput, that revealed wings of wavy, dark brown pilus, that peaked through, over his ears. He whistled, while he worked.

I was completely perplexed.

All the same, I knew I wanted to be around him. I wanted to talk to him, and explicate that I got the tattoo foolishly. I believed in God, but wasn't sure if He believed in me. I was broken, and had made mistakes. I was tired of running, only afraid to finish. I chose a life of searching for the world, and was afraid God wouldn't want me. I was a mess. But too proud to ask for help. From God, from my parents, from anyone. I just knew I wasn't worthy of beingness picked up, and dusting myself off.

And yet?

He pursued me. He questioned me. He revealed an inner beauty, I didn't know I had. He gave me hope of a dream, I had since I was footling. A dream to become married. A dream to hold a tiny human who needed me.

He gave all of that to me. He gave me Marking. He gave us our 5 children. Five. Most scoff at me.

I've had people accept a few steps back from me. I e'er had this dream, and nonetheless, the questions cascade in, mainly in public, when grocery shopping with them all.

"Your hands are full, huh?"

"Do y'all have kids just to live off the government?"

"Are you just religious?"

"Are they all yours?"

"You wait besides young to have this many. Are you lot married?"

"When are y'all going to stop?"

"Don't yous accept enough?"

And here I sit down...

I have a two week old.

She is dazzler, she is grace.

She is His grace.

The same grace that He picked me up, and dusted me off with, she is that.

Because each tiny homo that enters my earth chisels abroad another blemish on my center. They cause me to give until I have nothing, and to lift my hands up, and inquire Him for more energy to give. They crusade Mark and I to wake up in the morning, look at each other, and smile, as we hear the symphony of noise that 3 boys can create together. They cause Marking and I to tear upwardly, as we stare at the beauty of ii girls. They cause Mark and I to deep, abdomen express mirth, at the words they say, and the things they exercise. They cause Mark and I to drop to our knees, and beg God for agreement, for wisdom. They are belatedly nights, and early mornings. Simply they are joy in both. They are something I tin can't wrap my head around, and yet, they are the one job I've had in my life, that at the end of every day, I say "It's so worth information technology."

I don't make sense to nigh. And that'due south okay.

I didn't make sense to most when I was eighteen, why should now be any different?

I accept a God that sees me, and loves who I am.

...and I have a husband that found a deeper beauty, amidst my sin. He still does that.

That's what I dreamed of, equally a footling girl. I knew I didn't fit in a particular "box". I only wanted to love unconditionally, and exist loved unconditionally. Through God, my hubby, and my children, I accept that.

I'll continue our story in another blog, very soon. For now, I demand to change a diaper, and give a bathroom to my sweetness Edyn.

Be blessed, dear friends.

fanninussighboult.blogspot.com

Source: http://dojosdesigns.blogspot.com/2015/11/its-been-month-since-ive-even-sat-down.html

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